Scrambled Egg. Sunny sided not allowed.

So, apparently multi-tasking is not always good. In which, all the bloody hell I do know human can only do a task at a time. Apparently what I'm doing right now is managing 4 dimes at a time. Now, I'm worn out.

Miscalculations, wrong-doings, stressful rest are the results of doing such things.
Unless you do a really good time-managing. I'll bet you can do them efficiently and successful. In which, I'm still learning at my best.

A good time managing must be hold by a good resource. You can't control 4 tasks--where each tasks require you to be full-mobile--at once unless you have a really good mobility--yeah, I'm talking about owning transportation. Which, I don't own my own transportation, just yet.

The independent to roaming around freely due the capabilities of owning a good transportation is one of the key to the super-uber-freakish-busy-person with the urge to be mobile. Like me. Now what can I do is just asking someone to take me to the place where I wanna go then after that maybe asking for another help to go elsewhere. I'm not that feeling good for carpooling everytime for my own needs. I mean asking them to take me where they are not supposedly or probably not have time to go there, is,  for me, very much considered as not independent. And I loathe that very much.

GAH.

Now my mind is swirling so fast due to the my inability to provide enough rest and I have headache from time to time. Impacting the speed when I'm speaking--which so fast and barely no one could understand me-- my self- peptalk which I always do everytime and everywhere but now the frequency is begin to increase into more public hazardous-madness and the inability to absorb jokes, even for the lowest stake. Ah yes, plus, I FORGOT HOW TO SOCIALIZE. If people could get near people so easily. I'm just not that kind of human. To be socialize, I must imaginary get inside my brain, find the socialize button and turn it on. And I will be able to understands and giving the precise results of a social interactions that given to me. Haha. Yeah, sometimes--err, most times I'm just that weird.

By the way, I get this hypothesis for quite some time, that the less you sleep the fastest your brain will working--I mean healthy brain in here, the not contaminated by any kind of body destructive things. That's why Sherlock can excel the brain. Since he not smoking because it's UNHEALTHY! He use nicotine patches instead which will reducing the amount of sleep you need and keep you sober. But of course, reducing sleep will make you weird and over-anxious, over-negative and other over-ism. Once again this is just my thought and my experience when I was sober all night--of course I'm not smoking or using nicotine patches. Hahaha. Okay. Enough mumbling, Ai!

Maybe I need the sleep-all-day day. And a good internet-and-social-freakish-media-free-day since I feel I absorb so much unimportant information from soc-med and began to leave the daily reading I usually so fond of to. Yeah, mr. Mraz?

Where I could get a big Willow tree here and lay down just to enjoy books and tea was again?

Stupid accident.

I formatting every disk partitioned in my Laptop and fresh install everything and I realized that my thoughtfull notes got deleted. I thougth. I have. Freaking. Backup. It.

Apparently not. :'((((
Moron.

So, this three years thoughtful-'essay' is gone forever. I can't call it my diary since I don't put everyday routine there. I just put my thoughts and idea. Now it's gone, moron me.

My impression from the very start of my college life, the unfamous-weird-things that happened to me and my thoughts about it. Gone.

Why the hell I even forgot to backup it?! Aaa!

That note supposedly--and I know it is--is the substitute of my memory-part of my brain since I am having trouble to remember things and moments and how my thoughts about it. I put my idea, my idealism and principal there and made a really long essays about it whenever I'd like to. So when I back and reread it, I'll have the same determination and goals to live.

Now, since it's gone--in which is all my own freakin fault--I thought I'll start to make a new one.

But one thing I really regret about it is the flash-moment of everything and the precious thought and prespective what I was actually had been through all these years. Because you ain't feel and get the same moment twice. I don't think I'll be able to rewrite it perfectly. Maybe I'll just remember some parts or none at all.

maybe this is just the sign to 'start use your brain and develop your memory section more' or the 'start a new phase of life' kind of thing. I dunno.

I just want that dream to happened again. That's just it.

Always double cross check for everything. Don't let yourself filled with regrets afterwards.

I can do better!

It is frustrating to see someone is beyond you.
ENVY?
Yes, but not in the wrong or bad way. No.

I always feel envious to anyone who could do and achieve better than me. It always motivate me to be better. You know, If s/he could do it, why I can not do better?

I believe I can, but I just can't put my self into it as much as s/he did. And that's motivate me.
I'm not saying that I always want to be another person, I just believe that what the other people capable of, so does me. Haha.

But wondering that someone actually skilled in a particular thing that i should be very-skilled at is a bit infuriating. I'm glad and happy for them, but at the same time my adrenaline is suddenly pumped up and I'm motivated and determined to achieve more.

Learning is very much like to compete with your own thirst in knowledge. Winning in learning is when you finally realize that being snob in knowledge is actually do you nothing, and it humbles you.