Thankyou 2012

Let the rest of my thanks and gratefulness remain in myself and only me. 

WELCOME 2013. I bet you will do good for me. InshaAllah :)

Hectic Sunday

Today. Is. The. Most. Hectic. Sunday. Ever.
Like ever.

I must admit I plan this sunday unorganizedly. I said yes to every invitation that come. Said that I will attend.

Why?

Because.... well, because, I thought that not even one of it are 'sure' enough to be come true (except my meeting plan). Especially the let's-go-fishing-plan with my High School Friends.

I must say I really doubt it will happened at first because, well, the plan from the beginning ain't have the best follow-up. All of my friends keep saying that they're busy and even for the most not-busy-one even feel unsure about this one. That's because we don't have the perfect transport to come on. So~ because of that, I think I have enough spare time for another occasion.

TURNED OUT IT'S NOT!

Turned out today became the most-shit-busy sunday ever.
Every occasion that I've unintentionally aggreed just, happpened. I've promised about 4 occasion today. OHMYGODWHATTHEHELLIVEJUSTDONE.

I was like, "Okay, it is clear that there're must be one of these to be canceled, because of course, the happy-go-fishing one will almost consumed the entire day. Fudge, what am I going to do?!"

LOL. Yeah. That's it.

So, I went to my friend's grandmother's  house at noon, while, my phone kept beeping and texts from my HSFriends kept coming and ask, "Where are you? We're here, and when you will come?", and I was so can't-turning-it-off (Is it even the perfect grammar? Darn. Whatever. Haha!), despite the fact that the attendees are not as much as the first plan, and they're pretty much excited because I'm in. I can't turned them off, can I? :')

So, yeah, I went! I did!
And it went perfectly well today! Yaiy!

We went fishing at my friend's place outside town, had a real new experience about fishing since it was my first time. I don't know that a fish can specifically favoring kangkung (water spinach) to eat than worm or fish food! By that fish I mean a fish named Bawal--we called it like that and I don't know what the outer world called it. Its around 5 kilos weight--or more, I specifically don't know--and really delicious when its cook. Nyam.

We fished about 3 hours and guess what, WE GOT NOTHING! Yeah, not even a fish bite our bite. Uh, atleast, they do eat our bite, by cleverly separate the hook and the bite. Even the owner which is my friend ain't got one eventho he always fish there with his college friends! He said, "Maybe my expertise go along with what kind of skilled friend that  I brought here" since he actually really good at fishing! Ahahahahah.

But never mind, we kept telling jokes and swear why the hell the fishes ain't even succeed bite our hook. And trust me, I don't mind fishing for 2 hours more with them. Even if my clothes get dirtier and my head keep aching. Laugh beat those. :))

YEIY FISHING! AND YEIY THE BROWN-VEIL ONE IS NOT ME!
taken from Dheeta's IG

But, ehm, I ain't attend the 3rd occasion, because well, my friends even ain't there, so maybe it's best for me to just cut it off. :')

So here I am, in a coffe shop, writing this, while attend my meeting. I feel so tired, dizzy and yes, stink. I haven't got home, I haven't wash for the second time today. But I'm entirely grateful and happy because all today's plan went pretty well. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Well, today's morale :

Don't even tried to accept too much offer to attend hangout/meeting when you're not sure if you can be punctual (either yourself or the person/people you will meet) because of course, this country ain't take punctuality as the first rule. 2 occasion in a day will do perfectly. More, well, prepare to be worn out! Or else, have a disastrous day! Haha! KALAU MEPET. SUDAH JANGAN BIKIN TERLALU BANYAK JANJI.

Haha! Cheers, happy people! 

Inspired.

There're certain times when you feel you can do anything, that you have this certain power to make dreams come true.

For me, that's called Inspiration.

An inspiration is hard to achieve, sometimes hiding to the deepest labyrinth of your brain or maybe can meet you in a great green park.

One can be so inspired, yet become so hollow and numb at the other.

One is hard to be inspired all the time.

Today I've become so inspired. After roamed around the town and attended the traditional games fair, saw how an awesome picture been made, saw laughter and happiness.

But the moment I was so happy about today was when I borrowed a friend bicycle and took turn to wander alone the area. Myself. Without a smartphone. I challenge myself and my intuition to find a way back to the place, and I did succeed. I found my peace as I cycled to the small village, as the wind blew to my face, as the green of the field refreshed my eyes. Nothing beats that.

I guess the way to get everyday inspired is to be around a bunch of happy, creative and inspirational people.
As one the Prophet ever said, "To be a good person is to be around good people".

Maybe inspiration sit really near with happiness and gratefulness, no?

Because aside for being so inspired today, I feel so grateful for everything, ya Allah.
Everything. Thank you.

20th at the 20th.

The time shows 10:52pm of 20th October 2012.
Yes, today is my birthday.
And to be sure, I feel so grateful today.
Eventhough it's Saturday. :)

So the day started with simultaneously beep from my phone.
I was feel a little bit tired and decided to ignore it and go back sleep. Darn, this is my birthday, and so what? I can get my solitude now and I don't care about greetings. Was the thing that I thought. I never be the happy-birthday-let's-go-party-girl type, instead I'm--moreover--a loner. Especially when it comes to my big day.

At 10, I finally woke up and yeah, a bunch greetings were already there. At first, I don't get too excited. But, clearly I realized that the greetings from Twitter were from all the people I know well and atleast, close to me. Suddenly I felt happy and replied them with things that if you ask me, would never been occurred when it comes to facebook. It's not just a merely "thankyou! :)". Small portions greetings of my well-known friends but it made my day. The idea that they probably greets me not because the birthday notification from FB make me happy and feel loved.

Two friend of mine even mentioned me when they were on air. :)))
Precious. They say, "Happy birthday to our friend, Ai, who have her 20th birthday today at 20th October! Wait, 20th birthday on 20th October! Cool!"

Crap. It made my day even brighter. :)

Then spent the rest of the day with my SHS friends, do chitchat, and clearly, I forgot what today is.

My idea of a birthday is not make a party, nor held it with cake nor treat everyone because I should but because I WANT. My idea of a birthday is to have a day just for me, alone, and maybe, deep inside, i hope to be forgotten, just a bit. :)

But today is okay, no "Happy birthday" song, no "party", no cake. I love it.

Thank you guys, for the greetings, the love, the chat. Trust me, I never felt this good.
No need to celebrate my day. Cause I don't want it either. Hahah. Just remember me, and your pray and greeting is enough. Because not the celebration that matter but the unity and love that matters. 

Today I'm overwhelmingly happy and grateful. Thankyou. :)

Every one has its own type for a birth-day. Eventho you guys ain't give me a surprise, I still love it. Thankyou, guys. Love you all lots. :*

Totally Exhausted

It's been a week since my teacher gave us the task to make a simple yet meaningful animation which, he said, the deadline will be the next 4 weeks.

This is basically the 2nd week, and I'm exhausted. I've been living a really hectic life ever since. Meeting my team-pal like everyday and everynight, trying to not think absurd and blow things off when i feel my project is not going well.

Maybe because my project is basically different from the others. Or maybe, I'm not have the confidence of my own idea...

I really need a day to rest, really. To sleep all day and to not think a thing about it. I want to be alone. To be forgotten for just a moment. I need my solitude.. 

But guess I can't get this off my mind until it finish, so just be patient and work this fast then finally I'll have my holiday~


YES.

No.

Well, scrambled day it is.

After being so undeniably sensitive last night, without apparently logical reason. 

Cried a night out for just a tiny little flashed memory. I feel dumb.

Then started the day with only 15 minutes face to face moment with the Teacher--yeah, I was late, yeah, he was too, yeah, he just jumped in the class, took a moment to call out every student's name, took a minute breath to divide the class into a few little groups and then swung out the class without a regret.

Darn it. 

Maybe this is what it's called the-punishment-of-me-not-being-punctual. Or as I ever mention, that the teacher himself is very well-known because of his tardiness. But yes, it's my fault because expecting him to keep like that on and on.

It is actually hard to think so much and expect so much in the same time, but do nothing instead. It's like asking for a whole fortune to fall from the sky while we busy praying without do nothing. Pointless it is.

But many of us actually have done this, no? Asking so much but do not much.
Instead, they live in the unsatisfying life. At least, according to them. Honestly, if they stop a second to think, just to think a simple question about themselves, "Do you deserve it?".

If you really want that life you've been dream on, "Do you deserve it?", because not a person in this world live in the life they don't deserve. If you want that life, WHY NOT TRY TO START CHASING IT INSTEAD?

In every life, in every phase, in every moment and condition is belong to a person that deserve it. If you want another life, please do try to chase it. Work hard and you'll earn it. That's what I thought.

To be sure, I hate a nagger. I hate those who always mumbling and whining about their-so-called-miserable-life because that's pretty sure show how dumb and mindless they are. I hate someone who dream of a life with full of fortune but got nothing to do, instead they just like, "Ah, I wish....".

Sorry, guys. I'm not brought up with such attitude. My parents thought me to live my dream, to chase it, to make it come true. And I somehow proud, because they've become such a great parent And I also proud to my brothers, for being able to stand up for themselves.


I know human can't live alone, but there're certain things that we need to settle alone.

A dream is made to be chase, not to be easily come for. 

Recalling.

I must say I am no good at remembering.
A person, detail, moment... are not my specialty.
BUT I DO REMEMBER FACE!

Things always seems so blur to me, I can't remember what happened this morning, or even, a joke that had been told years ago. I can't remember a story when its told. I even can't retold a story. Apparently I'm no good at story-telling either, yes?

So what the heck I do remember?

I remember the feeling when a joke is being told, whether its flatter me, make me laugh till i cry, or just make me do a fake-laugh. I remember the feeling when I hangout with my friends, the happiness, the sadness, the sympathy, but never its about what the hell is being told there.

Maybe I'm good at remembering feelings, yes?

That's why whenever a hangout session is occurred, my part will be the one laughing hard and the one give advice. There're no parts of me story-telling, cause i got no stories to tell, i got no moment to remember.
And yes, I never remember who's birthday is when or else. A, sorry....

Pardon me, for being so easily forget, for being a jerk with no attention to pay to.
Darn, I'm so right brainer... and Sherlock-y. *uhuk*


Cheers,


P.S: But there's a moment that without even struggling to, I do remember. Which, for me, I feel that quite extraordinary. Yes.. that dream.


Updated: I realize that I'm a present-person, no? That I tend to live the moment, live the present, forget the past and face the future with a good grief. I tend to not care about what has been passed and what's not. What I care, is to make the present being meaningful, useful and not wasted.

-- Live with no regret, live life to the fullest

Commitment

I suddenly have this kind of thinking, and decided to commit to it.

"I will not try to fulfill my wants if I can't fulfill other needs first."

I come to this thinking and conclusion based to what happened. We tend to fulfill our wildest wants eventhought we maybe KNOW or just don't know yet that those wants will eventually fulfill our needs or just become a plain waste.

So, I decided to before fulfill my wants that I probably don't need most or don't need at all, I'll try to fulfill other needs. Maybe others really need the same amount of my wants to a better purpose. Pay hospital-cost maybe, or pay School's fee. Maybe instead of fulfill your maybe temporary wants, you can make others life become better and better. After that, maybe you can get yourself what you want. If you can get the same amount, You'll eventually get it again. But many of the others probably don't, get it?

Maybe this is my way to actually divide things I need or not. Sometimes the idea to chasing your dream and wants to the last bit is really exciting. And it still is. But maybe it'll be more precious if you just can help others, no? :)


P.S: I'm so sorry for the English, I can't find a way to put it out in a better way. :S 

Welcome August. :))

Well, can't believe we finally arrived at the 8th month of the Year. 2012 finally will come to its end and we'll move on to the 2013 with a good grin. :)))

It is weird actually to finally realize that you are currently almost in the end of year when you're recalling that exactly at the end of last year you became so perfectly anxious with many issues including the Mayan's and stuff.

And now, I finally at ease and believe, inshAllah, we'll have much longer time to make the world better.

I do admit these year is begin with many anxious feeling about the so-called prophecy and so many news that kept me thinking the heck is it going to be real? Then again I realized that I've put too much belief in this issues and kinda forget about Allah's promise about the End. I do realize that at the beginning that I'm too overly about this and I should get nearer to Him. And yeah, I'm right. Finally, now, I feel being loved so much and grateful to everything that has happened. Thank you. :)

By the way,

I do recall many things, and you must be surprised at how I still remember your promise to meet up at this month which well, that conversations happened two years ago and none of it happen. :)))

But, to be sure, I'm (still) waiting.

 

Let it go,

I've done it. At the first time in my life I've said it.

I finally said, well, not literally said it since I use Text. I said things that I've been so longing to say for this past few years that I has become a really anxious feeling and it feels sucks. Suck the entire capacity of my heart.

I realized that people will not know that you love them if you ain't say it. And be honest with it.
I daresay I'm not really into a straight-forward personalities when it comes to personal feeling and affection.

So, today, I let it flow and I let myself say it. And trust me, It does feels great.

I let myself say everything. From what I've been reckon happened, my self-battle between ego and conscience. And how it really affects me in this few years.

I let myself to admit that I sometimes can be a bitch. A real hot-blooded and hard-headed bitch.

I let myself to admit that there're things that really left answered and I must openly accept it.

I let myself to get over up my own ego and just let my conscience do the rest.

Being a reasonable and logic person is sometimes feels like shit. When you starts to make all things reasonable and logically but not all things have its own reasonable and logic answer, no?

And when finally I encountering that kind of problem, I tried to find a hundred reasonable and logical answer to atleast make it reasonable. And when no one seems fits, I'm getting perplexed, dreamy, and insecure. Boo-yah!

Here comes the bitchy part of me. The more I tried to solve it the more perplexed I'm become. Shit.

So, thank you to my bestfriends that still accept me even when I'm in the bitchiest stage of me. And let me know how bitchy I am when I let them know what I've become. Thank you. Love.  




You guys don't deserve getting perplexed too, really. And I don't want you guys get burdened by it. You guys are too valuable and precious to be burdened by this kind of thing. ;)

Let the time flows and Allah'll answer it nicely. And to that time comes, I'm going to be so prepared for whatever the answer is.



Yahay~ cheers, people.

And happy fasting! Ramadhan Mubarak! <3

She's getting married and I was like.....

My classmate finally married yesterday evening.

Menikah! Menikah, sodara-sodara! Di umur saya yang masih super belia  muda ini. Dia udah melangsungkan pernikahan. Bukannya saya tidak suka, I'm kinda into it, actually. 


Tapi yang agak disturbing itu fakta bahwa dia sudah siap memulai bahtera rumah tangga dan saya disini........ masih tetep merasa tidak ada perubahan yang berarti walau sudah 2 tahun meninggalkan kancah sekolahan. Sikap sama. Muka apalagi. :|

The Idea that I somehow in the so-called marriageable age is a bit, duh, terrifying.

I'm so into marry-at-young concept, actually. I love the idea that we do grow together, to face the adultery world together. *tsaelahlah ini bahasanya gimana*

Tapi pas dihadapkan kenyataan, lu siap kagak?  *guling-guling*

Selamat Riska! *iye, itu dia yang ditengah*

Oh ya, selamat menempuh hidup berdua, neng Riska! :D 
You did look great yesterday. InsyAllah, Sakinah, Mawa'dah, Warahmah! :*

Inconsistency...

Uh, At first I was kinda excited to start to write about this, turned out that I can't even succeed to start a few paragraph. Pfft.

Jadi, yah ini soal gimana saya dan ketidak konsistensi saya dalam apapun. 

Dalam mengejar passion, dalam belajar, dalam berhobi sekalipun.

there's a thing about consistency that need a perfect care. a perfect motivation to make it flamed all the time. and to be exact, that so-called-sparks really hard to find.

Mungkin karena kamu ini bergolongan darah B, mungkin karena kamu right-brainer, mungkin karena kamu seorang kinestetik. Terlalu banyak mungkin yang dapat dijadikan alasan, tapi mungkin jawaban paling tepat adalah kamu mungkin seorang pemalas. Enough with reasons and just cut the crap out! 

Admit it, you've been enslaved by yourself. Your so-called-magerity (read : Mager) . Your own indolent insecurities. 

I admit it, yes. I'm a sloth. 

I've been thinking and thinking, trying to find a way to lit my flame. From waking up early (I mean real early, I always succeed to sleep again after my morning prayer till 10 o'clock in the morning or maybe worse, 12) and list the chores and scheduling thing i want to do. But most of it end up just, it. Ignored. At the end, as most of human do, I'm gonna regret the time I wasted and promise myself to do better for tomorrow. And the cycles goes on, and on, on, and on. Pfft.

I have my theory actually. That the reason why most of your plan ain't work well, most of the things you want to do left undid is because you just spare more time to think, to think about this, about that, the thing itself and the future. But the key to make a successful routines is don't think, just act! 

That's it!

Maybe its the answer to our prayer. :p

Don't ever wasted your time to think about something for more than 2 minutes, if it does, you gonna realize most of your time is wasted for something it ain't deserves! The idea of living is to live the present, not the past nor the future! So stop try to think about "Uh, how, what i'm gonna do for a month" maybe what you just need is to do IT right now! 

Shit, I'm getting excited. 

"njalani dulu, dan kau akan tahu (just do it first, and then you'll know) " - a quote I got from Negeri 5 Menara the movie. (I don't know if it's the exact word or not, at least, i recalling it that way)

Yes, let's try it, peeps. At least, I will. I've bored with my own slothful attitude. -,-

Cheers,  

Finally AI. 8'))

Tadi ujian AI. Well, AI yang dimaksud pastinya bukan saya, tapi Artificial Intelligence. 8'))

Jujur, ini AI ini mungkin mata kuliah yang paling bikin jungkir balik. Saya nggak ngerti dari tengah-tengah pertemuan (secara sering telat, pffthaahaha) dan niat belajarpun nggak punya buku, mau buka catatanpun nggak banyak catatan karena si Dosen cepet sekali ngajar dan sekali pertemuan bisa sampai 100 slide. Males? Males banget. Gyahahahahh. *dijejelin In-Focus*

Tapi tadi itu finalnya nyaris bikin pingsan sumpaah.
Ruangan panas, semuanya serius--auranya juga serius, nyaris nggak ada suara di ruangan kecuali goresan pensil dan garukan kepala orang-orang yang nyari penerawangan dan Ilham dari sang Ilahi, saya juga dari pagi sudah sakit perut tanpa sebab yang jelas, dan saking groginya --secara nggak belajar banget-banget-- itu ngerja soalnya sambil gemetaran di sejam pertama. Hiyahaha. Lebay? Iya. Tapi ini seriusan. x))

Mau tenangin diri tapi nggak ada yang bisa diajakin bercanda saat-saat gini. Jadi ya udin, lanjut terooos.
Sudah bodoh amat tadi sama jawabannya, mau caranya bener kek, atau tidak. Yang penting saya ingat begitu dan follow the lead aja. Sisanya serah deh sama Dosen dan Allah yang Maha Kuasa. Mudah-mudahan dosennya periksa jawabanku sambil terkantuk-kantuk, jadinya syuung syuung dibenerin aja gitu atau saking cakar ayamnya tulisanku di periksa nda pake baca. :p

*kayang*

Jadi ya gitu, 90 menit konsentrasi penuh dan sempet keliyengan sendiri. Gila. Mungkin matkul ini dan dosennya satu paket. Sama-sama ribet.

Sekarang it's done, Matkul paling malesin dan ribet sudah selesai ya Allah! :'))
*sujud syukur* *siap-siap nonton Running Man*

So let's just hope for the best.


Pesan moral : Kalau tau dosennya nggak suka kasih privileges sama Mahasiswanya ya bok jangan cari masalah toh, misalnya telat dan nggak kerja tugas, terus nggak nyatet dan beli buku. Ya ribet sendiri juga sih.
Mau santai itu mesti tau dosen-dosen apa aja yang bisa diajak santai. Kalau perlu catat karakter mereka masing-masing. :p

About Downton Abbey and how I've been so fond of it

Well, I'm not a person that so into something. But when I do, that something is always good and beyond expectations. Haha.

Even with dramas, idols, movies, music and such. I actually don't give it too much attention when I think that it ain't need too. I mean, for Idol and such for example, I have my own life to worth think of and why bother to budge myself with their life and problems?

Even for drama and movies. I just consider them as entertainment. So does with music.
I don't give a damn about how their cast or the musician's lives or such. Entertaining yes, I enjoy it.

Of course I have my favorite too. For those with no-exaggerating and really meaningful story, I give them high credit. Maybe that's why I always like animation-movies. They tend to have many meaningful messages in it. :)

But for drama, My highly credit goes to Downton Abbey and Sherlock Holmes. Both are UK's productions. Not like I don't watch American's prod, I do. But I always fond of the UK's. Finding it always meaningful and brilliant.

Downton Abbey is giving me the opportunity to picture the Edwardian Age (well, if I'm not wrong) precisely. With maids, butler and footmans. Something that I always eager to know since watch Pride and Prejudice and read Emma. Haha.

I like how they really did talks politely and mannered. How they always well, feel shame to show some skins and talks rudely. And how the men always tried to act gentleman. Aw. Aw. Aw.

The plot is flowing smoothly. Always give some surprise here and there but not overflowing.
It is so enjoyable to watch those kind of movies or dramas. Even the villains are not so villain afterall. They have their own good in it. :))

I found myself sometimes shouting and sheepishly smiling when watching. 


I thought,'Is that what Islam is always tend us to? To be polite, to be mannered to other people? To have shame of yourself?'


Wish world will once again have that manner.

I give 5/5 for it. :)))

Playing with vectors

These past few days I'm busy playing with vectors instead of doing my Assessment.
and well, so far these are the results :

I've made both of it within 3 hours. A bit mad, no?

Gua Hira, mana Gua Hira?

Yeah, I'm so needing those kind of space to be alone.
Gimana mau kerja tugas sih kalau tiap saat kamu dipanggil untuk disuruh ini-itu? Gimana mau fokusnya?

I can't act as an ignorant lads either! Hearing those kind of 'help-call' repeatedly is really infuriating!

I know you're needing us but please, we have our kind of busyness either. We have our own problems to work on!

Saya kadang-kadang berusaha untuk memikirkan keadaan dari dua sisi demi terciptanya ketenangan batin dan bertambahnya meter kesabaran diri. Dan kadang-kadang itu berhasil, tapi kali ini tidak. Want to be undestand but can't understand the opponent? This kind of shit is always happens a lot.

Jadi, dimana saya bisa dapatkan 'quiet place' untuk kerja tugas dan menyendiri?
Plus dengan wifi dan kabel koneksi yang asoy? Ha! Perlu banget ini. Seriusan.

:|

No, it's not a welcome note. :)

First Post, well, definitely always about the 'Welcome' thingy. Haha,

Since this is NOT my first blog ever in Blogspot or Wordpress. I ain't gonna say any first impression thingy. I've been mingle around from Blogspot and Wordpress for a reason, I tend to get bored easily. And somehow stops writing at any blog that I was into at that time. Maybe because I don't have any particular theme or such for a blog. It always ends up... left behind. Haha.

 So, just hope this blog ain't end up like the others. :)

 Cheers,